3 Part serise on responding to underage drinking.
You Caught Your Teen Drinking, What Do You Do Now? Part 2
How to Deal With an Angry Teen
For more information see my post: How to Talk to Your Teen When Your Teen Won't Talk to You
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About Me: I'm a Christian counselor in Vancouver, WA. I specialize in treating male teens and men's counseling. Please contact me with any questions about my blog, counseling or to set up an appointment.
All information and opinions shared on this blog are for educational purposes only. Please contact me or another mental health care provider for diagnosis and treatment.
Teen Counseling Treatment | Vancouver, WA
How to Talk to Your Teen When Your Teen Won't Talk to You
What happened to that sweet boy who'd whisper in your ear that he loved you? All you can get from him now is a grunt, a demand, and an explosion of anger.
Your son is rapidly changing. A whole new world of emotions, urges and social awareness has been awakened. Author and Pastor, Ted Roberts, put it this way, "He's like a Ferrari without breaks." He's all souped-up to experience and impact the world but he is clueless to get the car out of the garage without taking down the whole house. He does what he's seen other men do, put your head down, push through it and don't bring up anything that makes you look weak.
What do I do about his anger? The last thing you want to do is get into a power struggle. It's important to note that in most cases anger is acting as a secondary emotion. It's protecting a vulnerable emotion by pushing everyone back. Like a wounded animal, to protect yourself you let everyone know you're still dangerous. Anger pushes others back.
- Don't get pulled into the secondary crisis/argument/fight
- Recognize he feels threatened, incapable or lacking tools to communicate his real feelings
- Set boundaries with a soft invitation, "It's not ok for you to talk to me like that, but I can see you're feeling some strong emotions. Know that I love you and what to support you anyway I can. Talk to me about what you're dealing with when you're ready."
- Take note of how you deal with your emotions. What does it look like when you're angry?
Does he have an emotional vocabulary? I'm not talking about knowing words like happy, sad and angry, I'm talking about speaking the language of emotions. Most men are clueless about emotions. Just look at our culture, men can only cry when it's "appropriate." Men don't talk about feelings, we talk about things; men get angry and take charge, we control ourselves.
- Emotions give vital information about what he's experiencing (Just like our stomach gives us information around dinner time)
- Emotions request/demand action (Your stomach tells you you're hungry so you'll eat)
- Each emotion has a unique role to inform and initiate action
- Journaling is a great way to boost your emotional vocabulary
- Get an emotions list off the internet and identify one emotion a day
Can he be emotionally vulnerable? Being emotionally vulnerable is frightening, particularly if you've been hurt in the past. For guys another layer is added, vulnerability is weak, strength is desired. Looking strong is valued over being real. I've sat with countless successful men who are not emotionally vulnerable. A common thought they all have is "I'm a fake and it's just a matter of time until everyone finds out." As they become emotionally vulnerable with others they learn that everyone has that thought from time to time. Their boss, their co-worker, who brags about all his accomplishments, they all struggle. You just don't know about it until someone lets their guard down.
- Teens are developmentally geared towards becoming an individual. They are seeing themselves less a part of you and more a separate person. Fighting with them to open up may be a lost cause for NOW. They will come back in due time. Better energy might be spent guiding them to talk to other trusted adults and leaders they look up to.
Is he safe? If you think your son is going to harm himself or someone else, do everything in your power to keep him and others safe. In doing so you may rupture the relationship, but tomorrow is now an option to heal it. You have to decide when to intervene, seeking guidance and support can make a difficult situation more manageable.
Like what you see? Want to see more? Subscribe by going to the bottom of this website, enter your email and name. Or like my Facebook page.
About Me: I'm a Christian counselor in Vancouver, WA. I specialize in treating male teens and men's counseling. Please contact me with any questions about my blog, counseling or to set up an appointment.
All information and opinions shared on this blog are for educational purposes only. Please contact me or another mental health care provider for diagnosis and treatment.
Teen Counselor | Vancouver, WA
Back to School: A Crisis in Identity Part 3
Over the last two weeks we've explored the world's concept of identity and worth. So, what does God say about you? Take the next 30 days to meditate on these verses. It's your choice to believe what other people say or what God says about you. I dare you to see what happens when you stop giving your worth away to someone's opinion and start seeing yourself as God sees you.
If you haven't yet read part 1 and or 2, you can do so here: Part 1, Part 2
1 Peter 2:9 ESV
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
1 John 3:1-3 ESV
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.
Ephesians 2:10 ESV
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
John 15:15 ESV
No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
Psalm 139:1-24 ESV
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. ...
Isaiah 43:1 ESV
But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
Psalm 139:14 ESV
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
1 Samuel 16:7 ESV
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
Psalm 100:3 ESV
Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Matthew 6:26 ESV
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Psalm 103:15-17 ESV
As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children,
Romans 8:16-17 ESV
The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
Like what you see? Want to see more? Subscribe by going to the bottom of this website, enter your email and name. Or like my Facebook page.
About Me: I'm a Christian counselor in Vancouver, WA. I specialize in treating male teens and men's counseling. Please contact me with any questions about my blog, counseling or to set up an appointment.
All information and opinions shared on this blog are for educational purposes only. Please contact me or another mental health care provider for diagnosis and treatment.