3 Simple Strategies To Reduce Your Anxiety

Anxiety is always future oriented, it asks what will happen, what will go wrong, and it demands a plan to address all that can go wrong. The problem with creating plans to address future events, the event can always change. You may create a plan but then your anxiety creates a new scenario that demands a new plan. It becomes an endless loop of varying possibilities and plans to address those possibilities. How do you get out of this endless loop? Try these three strategies: 

• Treat your anxious thought as a thought and not a reality. We have thoughts all of the time and most of our worst fears don't end up taking place. Even if the worst-case event happens, we end up suffering twice, thinking about the worst-case scenarios and then the difficult event itself.  

• If you feel overwhelmed by life's loose ends, or monumental tasks, write them down. Most people experience an immediate emotional relief after writing. Our minds are great at making things seem more difficult than they really are. Writing down your tasks allows you to objectively examine what you're up against. 

• Meditate. Your anxiety operates in the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), it prepares you to fight, fight or freeze. Your heart rate goes up, mind starts racing, hands shake, and you prepare for action. The problem with preparing for action with anxiety, is that anxiety is always future orientated, so in many cases you can't act. To reduce the effects of anxiety on your body you can engaged the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The PNS can be engaged by breathing deeply and slowing down. By focusing on your breath, you can consciously dictate how you breathe and force your thoughts to remain in the present vs. drifting to the future.   

Give these strategies a try to reduce your anxiety today. 

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About Me: I'm a Christian counselor in Vancouver, WA. I specialize in treating male teens and men's counseling. Please contact me with any questions about my blog, counseling or to set up an appointment.

All information and opinions shared on this blog are for educational purposes only. Please contact me or another mental health care provider for diagnosis and treatment. 

Anxiety Counselor | Men and Male Teens 

How to Talk to Your Teen When Your Teen Won't Talk to You

What happened to that sweet boy who'd whisper in your ear that he loved you? All you can get from him now is a grunt, a demand, and an explosion of anger.  

Your son is rapidly changing. A whole new world of emotions, urges and social awareness has been awakened. Author and Pastor, Ted Roberts, put it this way, "He's like a Ferrari without breaks." He's all souped-up to experience and impact the world but he is clueless to get the car out of the garage without taking down the whole house. He does what he's seen other men do, put your head down, push through it and don't bring up anything that makes you look weak.    

What do I do about his anger? The last thing you want to do is get into a power struggle. It's important to note that in most cases anger is acting as a secondary emotion. It's protecting a vulnerable emotion by pushing everyone back. Like a wounded animal, to protect yourself you let everyone know you're still dangerous. Anger pushes others back. 

• Don't get pulled into the secondary crisis/argument/fight    
• Recognize he feels threatened, incapable or lacking tools to communicate his real feelings
• Set boundaries with a soft invitation, "It's not ok for you to talk to me like that, but I can see you're feeling some strong emotions. Know that I love you and what to support you anyway I can. Talk to me about what you're dealing with when you're ready." 
• Take note of how you deal with your emotions.  What does it look like when you're angry? 

Does he have an emotional vocabulary? I'm not talking about knowing words like happy, sad and angry, I'm talking about speaking the language of emotions. Most men are clueless about emotions. Just look at our culture, men can only cry when it's "appropriate."  Men don't talk about feelings, we talk about things; men get angry and take charge, we control ourselves.    

• Emotions give vital information about what he's experiencing (Just like our stomach gives us information around dinner time) 
• Emotions request/demand action (Your stomach tells you you're hungry so you'll eat) 
• Each emotion has a unique role to inform and initiate action   
• Journaling is a great way to boost your emotional vocabulary  
• Get an emotions list off the internet and identify one emotion a day  

Can he be emotionally vulnerable? Being emotionally vulnerable is frightening, particularly if you've been hurt in the past. For guys another layer is added, vulnerability is weak, strength is desired. Looking strong is valued over being real. I've sat with countless successful men who are not emotionally vulnerable. A common thought they all have is "I'm a fake and it's just a matter of time until everyone finds out." As they become emotionally vulnerable with others they learn that everyone has that thought from time to time. Their boss, their co-worker, who brags about all his accomplishments, they all struggle. You just don't know about it until someone lets their guard down.  

• Teens are developmentally geared towards becoming an individual. They are seeing themselves less a part of you and more a separate person. Fighting with them to open up may be a lost cause for NOW. They will come back in due time. Better energy might be spent guiding them to talk to other trusted adults and leaders they look up to.  

Is he safe? If you think your son is going to harm himself or someone else, do everything in your power to keep him and others safe. In doing so you may rupture the relationship, but tomorrow is now an option to heal it. You have to decide when to intervene, seeking guidance and support can make a difficult situation more manageable.     

Like what you see? Want to see more? Subscribe by going to the bottom of this website, enter your email and name.  Or like my Facebook page.

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About Me: I'm a Christian counselor in Vancouver, WA. I specialize in treating male teens and men's counseling. Please contact me with any questions about my blog, counseling or to set up an appointment.

All information and opinions shared on this blog are for educational purposes only. Please contact me or another mental health care provider for diagnosis and treatment.

Teen Counselor | Vancouver, WA